|Real Name:||Captain Falcon|
|Family and relatives:|| Chuck Norris
Falco (through particle assimilation)
Captain Falcon is the son of Chuck Norris, although the circumstances of his birth are surrounded by controversy. Some say he arrived from the future, others claim that he arose from within a black hole, and still others maintain that he is actually Chuck Norris' illegitimate son and that Chuck Norris' real son is God. Either way, he's an incredibly powerful and awesome guy.
Birth and Childhood
Captain Falcon was born as Cap Norris, Chuck Norris' ostensible son, with all the god-like power of his daddy. However, as he grew up, Cap began to enter a rebellious phase of his life. He became a space racer ("because normal racers aren't cool enough", he said) and accidentally destroyed an entire galaxy. This particular galaxy was a strange one, being populated by strange, talking animals like a fox and a falcon. Cap crashed into the falcon's ship at light speed (while balancing on top of it, to boot), pulverizing both ships instantly. The resulting impact was too much for the falcon's body, and it was disintegrated into microscopic particles. Cap survived, unharmed, but his body was still recovering from the effects of light-speed travel. It assimilated the particles that remained from the falcon's body, turning Cap into the new-and-improved Captain Falcon. He also gained the falcon's ability to conjure fire as an attack, mastering it in the form of his signature move: the Falcon Punch.
Doing Great Things
Using his new powers, Captain Falcon began to atone for his former rebelliousness by helping people throughout the universe. First, he helped Bill Cosby defeat Weegee (even though the latter came back to life). Then, he beat people up in the Super Nintendo Bros. series. After that, he destroyed the Aberham Statue in Super UnMarioWiki Mascots 64. Last, but not least, he gave up his space-racing career and world-saving hobby to become a referee in Mario & Sonic at the Paralympic Games. Today, Captain Falcon resides somewhere in space, watching over the universe to protect it from evil. But some people think he lives in Jeezusland.