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Mario

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called "experts" at MarioWiki have a real article on Mario.
Mario
Mario
Real Name: Mario Fratelli
Birth: 1981
Age: 34
Health: Perfectly healthy, shrinks when injured
Family and relatives: Luigi, Dr. Mario, Mario's Head
Impostor(s) Wario, Cario, Kilogramio, Smallio, Lario, Bario, Hitario, Dry Mario, Mummio, Malleo, Tario, Captain Lou Albano, Xario Dic cartoon Mario, New Mario, New New Mario, and so on.... (you see he has lots!)
Death: Alot
“Let's A Go!


Mario
“It's-A Me, Mario!


Mario
Mariofirstapperance

Mario cookies were a huge success.

Lol

Mario's Normal Size, Standard Mario

Mario is one of the least popular and most obscure videogame characters ever (though, as the downfall shrunk, Mario soon became a somewhat successful character). He is currently known by 4 people, out of which 0.9 play his games.

Biography

Early Life

He originally appeared as a brand of cookies during the 1600s. Everyone enjoyed the cookies immensely, so the Super Mario Cookies were mass-marketed, and later Luigi cookies were made. After Mario and Luigi got very popular in the 1600s, Mario began appearing in forms of entertainment. Mario was frequently inserted into Renaissance works of literature and art, such as William Shakespeare's Mario & Juliet and the famous painting Mario Lisa.
Mario

The Real Mario as shown

Hiring By Nintendo

In the late 1900s, classical works became much less popular. While Mario was walking one day down the street, he met Shigeru Miyamoto who gave him a job at Nintendo so he could create videogames. He was soon a classic hit. However, problems started. The rival videogame characters Sonic and Pacman showed up on the scene and became famous, but nowhere near as famous as Mario.

The Videogame War And Its Aftermath

Then came the Videogame War where Mario Fans, Pacman Fans and Sonic Fans fought everywhere.

Marioshots

A wanted poster created after Mario escaped from prison.

Fatmario

Mario at the peak of his success.

Kids fought in school arguing who was better: Mario, Pacman or Sonic. Many got kicked out of schools for fighting. Not only did kids fight, but adults too. Therefore, many of them got fired. The Videogame War lasted for 30 years, until the creator of Sonic was thought to have died, and everyone forgot about Sonic, while Pacman's creator forgot about Pacman and instead got a girlfriend. Sonic games were then brought back when Sonic's creator was revealed to be alive.

MarioDschinghis

MOSKAU! MOSKAU!

While the Videogame War was on, videogame makers were afraid of making Mario games so instead, they created Luigi games. To this day, Mario videogames are now becoming less popular and they're instead making Mario foods, cookies, lollipops, and sodas. The production of these products stopped while Mario and Luigi were arrested.

In The Foreign Legion

After Mario and Luigi escaped from prison, they were abducted by one of Napoleon's flying saucers. They were then forced to serve in the Foreign Legion. While fighting in the Yoshi's Island Scandal, Mario was killed. However, he was revived by Napoleon. Mario then when back to working at Nintendo.

Meanwhile...

Meanwhile, New Mario became Mario's replacement. He was not a cookie, which was a plus. He loved to breakdance though, and was fired. Later, he was hired again as an old man after Cario (his replacement, a red buggy) was totalled, until he quit. He was replaced by Rapper Mario, until Rapper Mario died while fighting in the Foreign Legion. Smallio would take his place, until he became angry that people were stomping on him. As a result, he was fired. Killogramio would be his next replacement before his life ended when he stood on a thin ledge above lava and broke through it due to weighing 1000 Kilograms. Lario would proceed to take his place afterward, but retired after being received so well. Hitario was Lario's replacement, but was fired when Nintendo discovered that he looked nothing like Mario, but more like some other guy. After Hitario was fired, he was replaced by Dry Mario, a dry bones-like version of Mario. Dry Mario starred in a few shames, but then caused the death of several Nintendon't staff. As revenge, Dry Mario was executed. He was replaced by Mummio, a mummy version of Mario. Eventually, Mummio got his bandages caught. Since he had nothing underneath the bandages, Mummio fell apart and was technically dead. Mummio was then replaced by Wario however once Nintendo found out he was a member of the X-Men he was fired.
Fat Mario

Mario's beloved dream.

Th Animated Mario Dance funny mario gifs-s155x160-56139-580

Mario really knows how to dance!

Mario's Youtube Account

Trying to forget about Nintendo, Mario created his own YouTube account. Mario made bloopers of his own games, the messed up stunts that happened in his life, YouTube Poops (as annoying as Waluigi, but somewhat funny), and best of all,
Mario has a Sparta Remix00:57

Mario has a Sparta Remix

One of Mario's best sparta remixes

fads. Mario loves fads more than anything else. Your shocked right? But, its true. From Red Zones, to Leek Spins, to Squidwards, Mario loves those videos that are done over and over again. His favorite fad of all was the Sparta Remix. Although some of Mario's Sparta Remixes insulted Tyrannosaurus Alan & George Volcano. When Nintendo heard that they had been made fun of, they were hacked and the hacker read every true thing about Nintendo, (and believe me, there's lots of secerts about Nintendo.) they tried to ban Mario's account (MushroomMarioMan). But after hearing that the account was the original Mario's, they were all in a coma for at least 2 months. Miyamoto was blamed for going on YouTube in the first place and he was sent to jail for 5 years to be replaced with Michael Jackson. Mario laughed at Nintendo about this.

His Involvment In The Katsu War

Mario was a human shield in the Katsu War, daving Bario, Deidara and the Soviet Luigis from Weegee and his German Weegees. He used a Force-A-Nature, one of his favourite weapons. He also created a replica of the Revival Machine to revive Bario.

Two Years Later...

Two years after the Katsu War, Mario was seen fighting Bowser, who he had defeated easily, indicating his new strength. Reflux the Knaaren informed George W. Bush about his partner's defeat, who called Mario "The bestest threat for the f00ture". Mario then went to Dr. Rabbit's palace and killed him, taking the base for himself. Mario has not been seen, until he recently left revealing he just needed to make a really big poop.

Meeting Chef Pepper Jack and Wolfgang

Mario randomly decided to rob some banks and eat all the money. Tony Abbott put a bounty on his head and bounty hunters/ doom raiders/ the idiotic chili guy and his equally idiotic werewolf friend/ skylanders villains Chef Pepper Jack and Wolfgang were set to collect. While Mario was busy robbing some random bank Chef Pepper Jack and Wolfgang came and attacked him. However, Mario easily defeated them and Chef Pepper Jack as a tasty snack, hinting that he likes chili. But, unbeknownst to Mario, Chef Pepper Jack and Wolfgang were only 2 of 11 doom raiders and the other Doom Raiders planned their revenge...

Trivia

  • It is a known fact that Mario was created by Sino-Japenese guys. However, he is an Italian person.
  • Baby Yoshi is known to eat 2 Marios per day.
  • Mario's name is a pun on the term "Tario" which means to yell "OI!" when you are sinking in a tar pit.
  • Mario also once was friends with a cloud that thinks he was a frog and a big living doll.
  • Yoshi cookies were planned also for Mario cookies but were canceled but where an item in Super Mario RPG and the remix Shupa Malleo RPG
  • Mario is enemies with Sonic but no one knows why Mario let Sonic in Smash Bros.
  • Mario is also a doctor but since he stuffs over-sized pills in people even when they just feel very bad or have too many rashes, Peach had to put up a sign saying "Don't let Dr.Mario touch you, he's not a real doctor!" all over the Mushroom Kingdom and he got arrested for killing people when he was supposed to heal them.
  • Mario does not eat pizza pie because it isn't Italian.
  • Mario is friends with Schezo Wegey, a highly popular pervert and pervert king. Mario is SICK.
  • Mario can only fall asleep to the sound of flying airplane decapitations.
  • YOU ALL SUCK!

Mario Tag Stats

  • Strength: 3/5
  • Speed: 3.5/5
  • Jump: 4/5
  • Special ability: 3.3/5

Gallery

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