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A kart

Amazing graphics! OH THE GLORY!

Mario Kart: Quadruple Dash!!!! is a racing shame which was recently released for the Nintendo Wee. It is the successor to Mario Kart: Triple Dash!!!, and the predecessor to Mario Kart: Quintuple Dash!!!!!. It will feature updated graphics and incredibly detailed characters, unlike the shames before it.

Story

What the hell do you mean, you want a story? You drive your kart around. That's the story. Were you expecting detail or something? It's a friggin sports shame! There is no story!

New Features

Four Riders per Kart

This time around, each kart will have the capacity for four drivers, and each will have their own responsibilities.

  • The driver will drive the kart around and go VROOOOM!!, and SH-SHOOOOOOM!!, and, sometimes, HONK HONK!!. The driver is considered to be the most important person in the kart, because, without him, it wouldn't go anywhere. Driver characters include: the Green Lantern, a pickle, and a Barbie doll.
Bark2

totally real genuine amazing OMG screenshot!!!!!!1

  • The mapman handles the Map and makes sure that you're not lost. Note that the Map is in Portuguese, meaning that the person who does this has to be bilingual. Characters include: Kirby (from the Kirby series), Pokey (he has no limbs, so he is the worst character), and an obscure, little-known plumber named Mario.
  • The annoying kid in the backseat says "Blah blah blah." and gets on other riders' nerves. Characters include: Waluigi, Waluigi, Waluigi, Waluigi, and, of course, Waluigi. Also, if you pick Waluigi, you can annoy the other riders by just sitting there and looking stupid.

Cannibalism

Riders will now be able to eat each other, providing different effects.

  • Eating Mario makes you a pudgy plumber with buttcrack.
  • Eating Luigi makes you a green dwarf.
  • Eating Peach makes you a fruit.
  • Eating Wario makes you fat.
  • Eating Waluigi makes you a loser.
  • Eating Geno makes you owned by Square Enix.
  • Eating the driver causes your kart to crash and kill you all.
  • Eating your car parts means you can't drive anymore.
  • Eating yourself means . . . wait, is that even possible?

Items

Mushrooms

  • Mushroom - This shame makes mushrooms much more realstic. Now, if you eat them, you will not get faster. Instead you will get high and crash.
  • Mega Mushroom - Makes you grow to mega size. Contrary to the laws of physics, growing huge will make you faster.
  • Mini Mushroom - Makes you small. Other players can step on you.
  • Mexican Dwarf Mushroom - Makes you ridiculously tiny. Also you speak Spanish. ¿No pueden hablar en Español?

Shells

Boos

  • Boo - Steal an item.
  • Big Boo - Steal two items.
  • King Boo - Steal everyone's items.
  • Little Boo - Too small to steal a whole item. Instead, the Little Boo rips someone else's item in half and steals half for you. Of course, now the item is dead and screams lying in a pool of blood.

Bowsers

Other Items

  • Banana - Makes you slip in a totally clichéd fashion.
  • Thunderbolt - You get struck by lightning and die. Apparently more people die in lightning than car crashes.
  • Bob Omb - Asplodes before you can throw him.
  • Pokéball - Captures your rivals. Gotta catch 'em all!
  • Poison Mushroom - Increases your speed backwards.
  • Ham - The saturated fats in the ham subtly increase your cholesterol levels, slightly shortening your life expectancy.

Special Items

Each character also has its own special item.

  • Mario - Lights his farts and throws them at you.
  • Luigi - Lights his farts, takes out his snots, combines them and throws them at you.
  • Wario - He sends a crapload of microgames at his victim (you), the victim's brain asplodes.
  • Waluigi - Throws a bomb at you, the victim becomes emo and asplodes 20 times.
  • Peach - Takes out hearts from her fanboys and neutralizes the victim (the items).
  • Daisy - Throws Luigi at you, you become a dumb 2nd sidekick who does nothing but see the Protagonist beat the final boss.
  • Yoshi - Gives you a seizure.
  • Birdo - You get lost in her mouth/nose.
  • Birdo's Boogers - They convince the item tosser that the driver is actually an angry Jon Stewart.
  • Geno - Turns you into a censor.
  • Dk - OH, YOU GOT SMASHED!
  • Bowser - OH, YOU GOT BURNED!
  • Bowser the rest - OH, YOU GOT BURNED X10!
  • the rest - OH, YOU GOT SOMETHINGED!


Pwned:
Mario Kart: Triple Dash!!!
Most exclamation marks in a shame title
Was pwned by:
Mario Kart: Quintuple Dash!!!!!


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