Peach

From the Un-Mario Wiki, the Mario no-ledge-base.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called "experts" at MarioWiki have a real article on Peach.

“L'Royaume Champignon ces't moi”
—Princess Peach

Peach (also known as Princess Peach, Princess Toadstool, or Bimbo Head) is a Peach (in disguise, a human) that rules over the Mushroom Kingdom. She is notable for enslaving all the Toads in Toad Town, under the clever alias of Princess Pinch. She is a member of the Fantastic Four. She used to be married with Yoshi and both had their son Baby Yoshi until the Yoshi's Island Scandal where Yoshi escaped and Peach divorced him. Peach then married Tumble and Baby Tumble was born but after Tumble died, Peach was the girlfriend of Mario. She then dumped Mario, hit him with a bat, and married Link. But right as they went on thier honeymoon together, she (and Link) were killed by Shadow Lugia's Hyper beam... After a while, she was revived secretly by something invisible in her, but then Mist Girl threatend to kill Zelda!

It's later revealed that this was just a disguise, and that the Peach everyone knew was actually the Human Peach that was in the Mario Sports and platformer games! She is the third boss in Super Smash Bros. PHAILURE. She attacks by crying, then Captain Picard blows her out an airlock. She is the girlfriend of Mario and appears in Super Nintendo Bros. Brawl. She was a close friend of New Mario, so Mario was jealous. After the events of Mushroom White, Pauline became Mario's girlfriend, who has been seen in Donkey and Pong. Someday she just bet everything she had in a contest against Leeuwtje and the little lion won against her, so all her fortune was given to Œfelio, but he was nice and hired her to his TV show. She recently appeared in a SHAMEFUL movie, but nobody noticed her. She also tried to make 2 clones but she messed up and made A fat one and a emo one.