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The first Issue of Wario's Kronikl


This Week Today

This week has been an all-time low for funds, reaching only $0.00. But the most ever was a sky-high $7.82! In other news, soccer(A game where a ball is kicked with the feet to a nearby teammate or into a goal) has been very competitive. Daisy knocked off Waluigi with a nuclear bomb. The diehard serial killer of a flower destroyed everyone within a 1000 km radius. Waluigi's last words were "I'mma score, you--", then he died. But not all games are as brutal as that. Mario's victory over Pong Jr. was very humane. Until Pong Jr. ate the ball and asploded. But enough about soccer. Let's visit more happy news.


Sports

Oh, wait, I already covered that, DUHH, DOII, DUUUH, DUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH, DUUHYYHAA, FAAAAAAAAAARRTTTT!!!


What Else Can I Talk About... OH YEAH!

Mario got interviewed for the 30-somethingth time today. This time, he ACTUALLY spoke English, or close to it. Just kidding, he spoke in L33t. So here's how it went. We were able to translate (most of) it.

Reporter: How do you feel after eating your 54638th pizza pie today.

Mario: 1t m4k35 m3 f331 1ik3 7h3 h4pp13s7 p3r50n 3v3r!! L1k3, 0m6, 1 4m 50000000 n07 fa7, r16ht, r16ht????!!!! Translation: It makes me feel like the happiest person ever!! Like, OMG, I am sooooooo not fat, right, RIGHT????!!!!

Reporter: Ummm, Uhhh Ummm

  • the Reporter is under so much pressure from the sudden harsh reaction from Mario, that his head 45p0d35(asplodes). Malleo comes to clean up. Mario looks at a mirror he found in the reporters pocket and says "Oooh MAMA!!!" and walks out, as satisfied as ever.


Weather

Weather will be very forgiving this week.

Monday- Partly cloudy, winds up to 15,000 km/h. -20 degrees C

Tuesday- Intense rain up to 100 cm. Snow up to 76 metres will come shortly after. -100 degrees C

Wednesday- Spikes will fall from the sky! Remember your V.2000 Ultramax Titanium Alloy Umbrella!

Thursday- Fireballs will fall from the sky. Just what any kid will want to be a part of! Great day for family events!

Friday- National Go to the Bathroom and Poop Day! Remember to WIPE!

Saturday- The Tulip Parade! Remember to construct things out of stupid flowers that fall apart in a few seconds!

Sunday- We all die today!

Stay tuned for the NEXT issue!


Trivia

  • Apparently we didn't die on Sunday because we're still here!
  • Boo actually wrote the first issue because there were no grammar mistakes(Unless you're a teacher or something)
  • I LIEK PIE!!!

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