Wario-Man to the rescue!

"It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a football! NO! It's Wario-Man!!!"

Wario-Man is a guy. He is also known as Wa-Superman, or Wa-Man, or Super Wa-Man, or Wa-Clark Kent, or Clark Wa-Kent, or Wario Kent, or Clark Wario, or even Super Wa-Super WaWarioKent-Man, but you can just call him Wario-Man. Strangely, Nobody has noticed that he wears a giant "S" on his shirt and a "W" on his cap. He has the ability to switch dimesions, so he can be 2-d and 3-d at the same time.

Wario-Man also opened the first Walmart and the first Walgreens. He also writes for the Washington Post. His favorite drink is Water. His favorite food is Waffles. He also works on Wallstreet. He runs into a wall on the daily. His sidekick is Waluigi-Girl.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called "experts" at MarioWiki have a real article on Wario-Man.