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Yoshi's Island Scandal

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YoshiMugshots

Mugshots of Yoshi taken shortly after being arrested for involvement in the Yoshi's Island Scandal.

“I think it was horrible that this happened. The best course of action, I believe, is to send more troops to the Mushroom Kingdom and remove kids from our health care plan.”
George W. Bush, Yoshi's Island Scandal


The Yoshi's Island Scandal was a notorious event involving Yoshi, Tumble, and 24,315.755 tons of cheese. Some have stated that the Yoshi's Island Scandal was the cause for the downfall of Yoshi's life. Luckily though, Yoshi then joined the Fantastic Four and is slowly getting his fame back.

Events

The Magician's Nephew

Contrary to popular belief, the Yoshi's Island Scandal did not begin on Yoshi's Island, but rather had its earliest beginnings in Toad Town. On the morning of April 1, 1975, a seemingly harmless newspaper article was printed in the Toad Town Times stating that the humans of Earth were without cheese. Tumble stumbled upon this article, and felt sorry for the poor humans. (Tumble's parents were human, therefore, Tumble had a soft spot for them). After reading the article, Tumble decided to help the humans by easily manipulating Yoshi into helping his cause.

All Your Face are Belong to Us

Yoshi, who was at the time, living a happy life on Yoshi's Island with his wife Princess Peach, who was going to give birth to a son. He worked as Mario's accountant in the Mushroom Kingdom, which was where he was when Tumble arrived. Tumble, using smooth, flowery words and a spaghetti-based bribery, convinced Yoshi to help him save the humans. The two then formed an organization to assist the starving humans.Before launching their plan, they saw Mist Girl in her vacation home on Yoshi's Island and Yoshi blasted her into a Digimon.

'Til Death Do Us Part

Tumble and (mostly) Yoshi decided to form a plan, so they kidnapped Ronald McDonald, whom they both agreed was "the last non-moron alive" to do so. They threatened Ronald and demanded that he come up with a plan. Ronald's genius plan involved hijacking an airplane at a airport, flying it to Earth, and delivering the cheese.

However, the flaw in their reasoning was the reason why there was no cheese on Earth. It turned out that Bill Gates, the planet's leader, had illegalized imports of cheese to the planet. Tumble felt that the project was hopeless, and abandoned it to join the Foreign Legion. However, Yoshi decided to keep at it, and, as the new head of the project, decided that Ronald, and all of the McDonald's restaurants, employees, and affiliates, should be ground up into cheese for the cause. (The amount of cheese that Yoshi ended up with because of this was about 10,000 tons.) Yoshi then contacted Shigeru Miyamoto, who agreed to help the scandal.

Another Header

When Yoshi and Shiggy had finished planning their next move, Pac-Man had already eaten 45 tons of the cheese. Yoshi arranged to have Pac-Man "taken care of" by a hitman and then proceeded with the mission. His and Shiggy's first matter of business was to fit all of their cheese inconspicuously into the back of their minivan. Once this was done, they were cruisin' down towards the border, soon to go into the portal to Earth.

DuckTales! Woohoo!

However, Shiggy and Yoshi were stopped dead in their tracts by Napoleon Bonaparte, who demanded all of their cheese. Yoshi refused, though, and resisted their force, releasing the powerful phrase "Remember the Tumble!", in reference to his former partner and friend. It was then though, that Bonaparte released his French Army with Tumble (newfound member of the Foreign Legion) in lead. Needless to say, heartbroken Yoshi lost the great battle that ensued, despite his courageous efforts to use Shiggy as a human shield against the French attacks. The French Police Force soon had him behind bars in the Bastille, a French jail building shaped like a coconut.

And the Moral of the Story Is . . .

Shiggy tried one last-ditch effort to deliver the cheese. He escaped and scrounged up as much cheese as he could find, then attempted to catipult it into Earth. However, he overlooked one simple fact: 6 x 9 = 42. He therefore failed, and was also hauled off to jail, too.

Aftermath

Specifically, Yoshi was thrown in jail with the charges of speeding (because he was going 3.14 miles over the speed limit), arranged murder (because of the whole Pac-Man thing), bad cooking (the cheese that he prepared was DISGUSTING), and having a nose 22 square inches than is legal (obvious reasons). Yoshi lived a great life as dictator of the Bastille, but disappeared one day, leaving only a note saying "Silly Putty will be avenged". It is theorized by some that Yoshi escaped the jail and moved to Hyrule, where he became famous as "Gunpei Yokoi". This theory is rather sketchy, though, although a French officer admits succumbing to Yoshi's distracting him with a strip of bacon before the Great Escape. We may never know what became of Yoshi.

The outcome of Earth was much happier. As it turns out, there was no cheese famine; it was all just a complex joke in the Toad Town Times (remember that the article was printed on April 1). As such, no one really cares anymore, except for the dorks, nerds, and practicers of feudalism.

Tumble also had a great outcome as leader of the Foreign Legion, Napoleon's best men. After a long, happy life of commanding the army, Tumble started a family with Peach, former wife of Yoshi and not only had Baby Yoshi but had a new son named Baby Tumble. After this though Tumble died and Mario and Peach are now boyfriend and girlfriend.

Trivia

  • The Yoshi's Island Scandal is very similar to the Toad Revolt, although much more boring.
  • Some have stated that Yoshi's minivan used in the scandal was a DeLorean, a type of time-traveling car built only by Bob the Builder.
  • Interestingly, Boots is very similar to the Sonic series character Miles "Tails" Prower in that they are both the under-aged sidekicks of the series' main characters, they both have three strands of hair coming of off their foreheads, and they have both been known to take nightly baths in Jell-O.

Sources

  • Wiggly Walrus Counts to Three, Adolf Hitler, 1492.
  • The real story about my death, Jimi Hendrix, 2762.

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